My husband can’t rock my world

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old and I have been married for two years. Before I got married, my fiancé and I used to have sex. The first thing this man did to me was have oral sex with me. He did not even ask my permission to do so. He just dragged me into his room and was all over me. He went down on me and carried on. I experienced orgasm for the first time, and, although I had sex with other guys, that has never happened.

After I had oral sex with my boyfriend, who is now my husband, we had sexual intercourse many other times before we got married. However, I have never experienced orgasm by just having sexual intercourse. I discussed this with my gynaecologist and she told me that it is not anything to worry about. But I still enjoy having sex with my husband.

I told my husband that something is wrong but he says, like my gynaecologist, that nothing is wrong with me; I should just relax. This has prompted me to write to you.

I know when my husband is having an ejaculation; I can even feel it. But he has always had to ask me if I ‘come’. I hope you would not consider me rude for trying to explain this to you and asking what you believe is my problem.

Sometimes I have had to guide my husband and ask him to go down on me so that I can experience orgasm. Is this normal?

S.

Dear S.,

Some organisations have classes for women only to teach them how to experience orgasm during lovemaking. Your husband does not have any problem ejaculating, and you said you can even feel when he has reached the point where he is ready to ejaculate. Some men may have learnt how to delay ejaculation in order to please their women.

There are good books on the market that you and your husband can purchase and read together to help you experience orgasm. There are also certain channels where people explain what can be done to experience orgasm.

If you are eager to experience orgasm, you and your husband should make an appointment to see a sex therapist, who would explain to both of you what you should do.

I could say much more but I wouldn’t in this column because I am aware that many children read this column daily. I don’t want to put crazy thoughts in their heads.

Pastor