Mother-in-law runs our lives

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I am having a problem. My husband is 40 and his mother is living with us.

Although I am married to this man, his mother makes all the major decisions. He is her only child. Every plan we make as husband and wife, she has to approve it. I do not have any problem with my husband discussing plans with her, but, if she says no, he does not put one foot forward. Mark you, this woman is very smart. She works with the government and she is in a very good position, and my husband is not a fool either.

I don't have the education of either of them but, when I met my husband and he told me that he was in love with me, I reminded him that I did not have anything behind my name. He said I would learn and he was not looking for a brilliant girl. He wanted someone who he truly loves and who truly loves him. I would not lie to you about my husband. He treats me very well. We live in a lovely community. When I am angry, he does not even raise his voice. His mother told me that she loves the way we live. But sometimes it burns me to see him allowing her to tell him what he should and should not do.

When I first came to live with him and I cooked, his mother used to tell me that I shouldn't cook the rice that way or I shouldn't do the chicken that way. I complained to him and he spoke to her and told her that she should back off if she is trying to tell me how to cook. If she didn't like what I cooked, he told her that she could always cook her own meal, but she hasn't done so. I know that my mother-in-law has told my husband that I dress too sexy and he should be careful because somebody will take me away from him just by the way I dress. I have a big bottom. He told me he is not scared about losing me, so I love that about him.

This house belongs to him and his mother. He and I have bought a piece of land and we are hoping to build on it and rent out the house for added income.

D.J.

Dear D.J.,

I hope you will be able to tolerate what is going on at your house. You said that your husband is the only child of his mother. They are very close.

They have been discussing business long before you got into the picture. Therefore, whatever your husband and you discuss, he will also discuss with her. It should not surprise you that he listens to her even more than you, for two reasons. One, she is much older than you, and two, she has more experience. So don't make what your husband is doing stress you out. Be a good wife, show respect to his mother and, believe me, your relationship with your husband will last.

I wish you well.

Pastor